Where Are You, Lord?

It's been no secret that things are not as they should be in my life lately. Work is stressful and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to remain relevant in my field. My kids are out of control at times, mouthing off and being rebellious (well, not all of them), I'm back in debt and my wife is stressing out about certain elements of her job. We know we're blessed, but things seem terribly out of alignment for us.

Yesterday I spoke of Moses in Deuteronomy 30, where Israel was prompted to choose life or death, blessings or curses. Personally, I want to choose life, but I default to death. I yearn for the blessings the Lord has in store, but feel I'm constantly disappointing Him and as a consequence, am living a life of curses amongst the favor.

Deuteronomy 30:19-20 (New International Version)

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Now, I know that I'm covered by Grace, but I know we still live in a world of cause and effect- what will determine our outcome? I want to succeed, but feel stuck. We want to move forward, but are trolling backward. Something has to change and with a quickness. The way things are spiraling, there is no way this is God's best for us.

I think some of the issue is the lack of personal goals and drive on my part. I have a desire to succeed and grow, but I'm unclear in how to distill the essence of what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I've never been good at setting realistic goals and sticking to them, however I know how to work hard. I've experienced success by virtue of hard work and direction at times in my life, but it doesn't come naturally to me and I'm in a dry spell of late. Hopefully I can begin anew with setting goals, staying in the Word and working toward something worth accomplishing, instead of just going through the motions in life.

Good Night